Hi, beauties and gentlemen!
I’ve been listening to and reading a lot of commentary about Ayesha Curry’s recent interview on Red Table Talk and her comment about her lack of male attention. The internet seems to be going wild about her sentiments, and as I listened to this interview from beginning to end, I drew my own thoughts and opinions about the interview.
While I don’t necessarily agree with the timing of her comment regarding male attention (although I’m not sure there’s ever an opportune time to share profound feelings with the world), I certainly know where she’s coming from.
I don’t occupy a space in Ayesha’s mind, yet I’m fairly confident in saying that I truly don’t think what she said has anything do with wanting attention from men. Her statement was more about all the insecurities that tend to develop after children, especially when fortune and fame go hand-in-hand.
Truth be told, before a woman has a child or children, women start out one way, often knowing exactly who they are and living in a space of comfort and confidence. After our babies come into the world, we develop insecurities, no matter what our partners think or anyone else for that matter. Yes, motherhood is empowering and wondrous, but motherhood is also uncharted territory for all women. There is no manual, and although we have books, resources, and outside advice, women can never quite prepare for the road ahead.
As an athlete’s wife, I became used to the lack of attention from others because people were only interested in my husband. This was fine by me. In fact, I actually found it quite comforting to be in the shadows. There was a sense of safety there. Also, I have learned that the more exposure one has, more scrutiny will follow. Then again, being in the shadows also worked well for me because I am an introvert. All that mattered to me was that I was the center of his attention and I felt loved and cared for by the people who mattered most in my life.
Now, that’s not to say Ayesha doesn’t value or adore her husband’s attention. She was merely transparent about the insecurities and feelings many women experience, especially post-childbirth.
We all go through it. Ayesha just happened to be brave enough to talk about it on a public forum.
Her interview sparked several thoughts in mind, too, and I began thinking of the ways I have dealt with my insecurities over the years, and I’d like to share those with you in hopes they help you in your time of need.
Limit your time on social media: Social media introduces us to a world where everyone is hot, yet things aren’t always the way they seem. Let’s be honest – the majority of what we see on social media is often an edited version of the truth or reality. If you are not mindful of this, you will find yourself scrolling and slowly sinking into a dark place because of the inevitable comparison trap. So, limit your time on social media. Be selective about who you follow. Ensure you are following people that do not trigger negative feelings within yourself.
Stay active: After having my kids, I became especially self-conscious about my body. My thighs and arms have often given me the blues, yet my husband never complained, and honestly, that really mattered to me. So, to keep those insecurities at bay and to heighten my self-esteem, I exercise. I not only exercise to stay healthy but to feel and look my best. Exercising is a total mood booster, and I swear by it to this day.
Find a great support circle: Aside from your partner, find a group of friends that gas you up and support your dopeness. Everyone needs a solid clique. True friends build you up, encourage your ideas, offer a trusting ear to talk to, and make you laugh. When you surround yourself with uplifting people, you, in turn, are uplifted in the process.
Self-care is not an option: Ladies, you’ve read several blog entries that preach self-care, and I share this topic in my blog because it really matters! I’m not only referring to the spa or getting your hair and nails done (although those activities feel fantastic). I mean that you should find something that you love and do it. Spend time loving yourself and exploring the things that make you happy. As women, we spend so much time serving others that we forget to serve ourselves. You matter!
Develop your own standard of beauty: We often look to social media, TV, or magazines to determine what’s beautiful. Stop that! It’s all edited anyway. Keep in mind that beauty is skin deep. So, make sure you are beautiful on the inside. This also goes back to being mindful. Be selective and aware of what you listen to and watch. If something makes you feel bad about yourself, please cut that show, podcast, or app from your life.
Stop over thinking: When your partner tells you that you are beautiful, stop over thinking it. Truth be told, most men are visual. If he says it, he means it, and that’s that! You’re winning, sis, and your partner knows it, too! Accept his compliments and start believing in yourself in the same regard.
Women are the epitome of strength, and expressing our feelings or insecurities does not and should not diminish our power. I’m thankful her interview sparked conversation, and I think it spawned a great opportunity to discuss a very real issue among women, too.
Readers, don’t be shy. Contact me and share your thoughts. Until next time!